#DearMe: Be the heroine

Have you heard of this #DearMe thing?

According to YouTube: “In celebration of International Women’s Day, take part in YouTube’s global #DearMe initiative to inspire and empower young girls everywhere.”

Obviously, I loved this. I wish I could look my younger self in the face and tell her a few things. Like, don’t drink Vodka, ever. Am I right?

So I wanted to take part in this #DearMe thing. It sends you to a website to create a GIF with a pre-made quote or an option to make your own. I wanted to make my own.

So I sat there and stared at it for a long time. I’m usually good with this kinda stuff. I can whip out a solid piece of advice pretty easily most of the time. But I completely drew a blank. Everything I would tell my younger self, I haven’t even learned yet. Simple lessons, like, “everything will work out for the best.” Or, “you’re capable and you’ll figure out a way.”

Probably because recently, I came up against some good old fashioned failure.
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I didn’t get something I really, really wanted, and I tried like hell to get it.

And if I’m gonna be honest here, this doesn’t happen to me a whole lot. I have a really strong vision for my life and I’m generally extremely committed and driven to get there.

So when reality didn’t line up with “the vision” it was a brutal, brutal letdown. The stuff of nightmares, breakups — nasty disappointment in myself.

I haven’t been a good sport about it all.

And no amount of goodwill or encouragement has helped me. (You’re like, OMG you are so annoying. I KNOW.)

I’ve got all these people (friends, coworkers, parents) barking at me to get the heck over it and feel proud of myself.

As much as I want to listen to that, most of me just wants to say, “ehhh get out of my face.”

Rejection is one of the hardest human experiences to endure. Rejection from a person, a place or a thing. It just sucks. You become a victim to your extreme vulnerability.

Here I am! I can give you THIS, and THIS and I can be THAT, and do THAT, and contribute THESE things, and succeed at THAT and change THIS and BY THE WAY – I’m hardworking and funny AND! I’ll do anything for you. Even move my life across the country! WITH BELLS ON.

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Eh… no thanks.

BUT I WOULD HAVE DONE ANYTHING FOR YOU.

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How do you recover from that? Beats the hell out of me, honestly. I really don’t know. I guess like most things, you have to sweat it out. Work through it somehow and set your sights on something else.

I feel so behind, though. There are high school students out there writing apps, and songs and books. And here I am writing about failure on some blog I made a year ago. Who the heck am I?

I feel I’m in no position right now to tell my younger self anything at all. I wish she could tell ME a few things.

So I’m going to try to imagine myself a little bit older and a little bit wiser. What would she say? She would probably say something along the lines of, “suck it up, drama queen, you’re gonna make it. Have some faith, be courageous, and listen to yourself.”

Ugh.

It’s a tough pill to swallow. And I’m not even sure I’m ready to swallow it. But I know I’m gonna have to eventually. It’s unbelievably easy to feel sorry for yourself when stuff like this happens. But that’s not me, that’s not my personality. It’s not who I was raised to be, someone who becomes a victim to a situation instead of rising above it.

So, #DearMe – Past me, current me, future me:

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6 thoughts on “#DearMe: Be the heroine

  1. Lebron James

    I can understand where you are coming from. My junior year especially. I remember, over the span of around a month and a half, a ton of things were going south. I got rejected from two internships I applied for. My car transmission died. I (as a 2 year RA) didn’t get the “promotion” that everyone thought I deserved. Oh, and I was coming out of a relationship with a Summer Finn.

    I wouldn’t go so far as to say that it was “the worst,” but it felt like I was drowning in a sea of misfortune with no lifeguards in sight. However, for nostalgia’s sake, here’s something a wise man (from the 90s) said:
    “Every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end.”

    Not to sound trite, but I realized in hindsight that everything I mentioned (in the ‘failure graf’) was truly for the best. I ended up getting a better internship that year, a position for RA staff, my car fixed (for the long term) … and let’s just say it was for the best that the Summer ended.

    I’ve found that it is wrong to tell someone to ‘get over’ their situation, especially if they haven’t gone through a similar fire themselves. But I still respect whatever sincerity and (although sometimes misguided) grace given by caring folks who don’t know what else to say.

    And to quote a mafia boss (when his son died), “It’s okay to cry. It’s okay to weep. But it’s not okay to ignore the fact that loss does more for you than gain.”

    Reply
    1. Jamie Post author

      Intern! This is such a thoughtful comment. You’re beyond your years. Even if you are a narcisist!

      Reply
  2. Julie

    I could’ve written this same post about 8 months ago. It’s so hard to move past something that you thought would be a perfect fit, only to find the feeling isn’t mutual. But you know what that means? It WASN’T the perfect fit, and something better for you is out there whether you realize that yet or not.

    You have to grieve all losses, whether it’s a relationship or an opportunity. It all makes you question who you are and that’s NEVER a comfortable position to be in. “I (almost) always succeed! I worked so hard for this! How could they not see the value I bring?!” Yeah, I had all those same questions when I wasn’t even given a second interview for something I was overqualified for. But maybe that’s it, and part of the reason behind the rejection. You should shoot for the moon and those opportunities you think are out of your reach, because chances are they aren’t.

    I don’t have to tell you again that you’re one of my favorite people, and VERY good things are coming your way. But I am, because I love you and believe in you, and you should allow yourself whatever time you need to move on from this “failure” and toward the better opportunity that’s bound to come your way.

    Reply
  3. Katie

    THIS. This is full of important kernels I wish I could tell middle school me, high school me, college me and post-grad me! Present me will simply have to pocket it in an effort to benefit whatever-the-heck-is-next me.

    Thank you for being vulnerable enough to imply that you’re not always totally killing it at life–though I still kind of just assume that you are–and for sharing your thoughts with talent and grace! 🙂

    Reply
    1. Jamie Post author

      Totally NOT always killing it at life. But always trying. And that’s what matters right? Thank YOU for your wonderful posts, too! I always enjoy them. You’re an incredibly relatable person. Thanks for reading Katie!

      Reply

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